Why I Believe I Don't Make Money From Art

Beliefs, Conclusions and Timing

I finished a commission last month. It was for all intents and purposes a very easy one: my mom asked for three drawings for a wall.

It’s been a while since I created art for someone else. Paid or unpaid.

The second my mom asked me I felt an overwhelming paralysis. I followed up with, what kind of drawing? And she said, something simple. Maybe flowers.

My brain did what it usually does in any situation I’m asked for something based on my supposed skills: I felt incapable and down came the litany of excuses: riding the high-horse, I don’t draw flowers, I’m a studio artist and I’m not at my studio, I don’t have the right materials, I don’t feel inspired, I’m not in work-mode, I’m not an illustrator etc.

I even thought of saying no right away, I rather do something else, maybe invite her to dinner.

Two days before we flew back to Montreal, I was sitting in our airbnb sweating because I hadn’t done anything. I didn’t want to disappoint my mom. I had limited neocolors and colour pencils. I h…